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The only
reason for you to read this review is morbid fascination.
You'll read this for the same reason as you look at pictures of KZ prisoners or
stare blindly on a car accident as it happens. I am going to slaughter this band
and - please believe me - I do not enjoy doing that.
My first bucket of bile goes to the label "Crash and Burn" (a disappointingly non-ironic
name) who sent me unnamed music files and a band bio / track list that only
opens with the travesty called Word 2007.
Impressed by such technical ineptitude I visited the label website to find more
info. I clicked a picture of the band (a.k.a. the "ghotic metal
mastermind"*) - which by the way is the only link from the news section that
mention Archangel. That sent me to some random and dysfunctional page on ImageShack.
Eventually I found the info I needed (like, uh... the names of the songs!), but
all in all I'm not exactly awed by the prowess of
Crash and Burn.
The second bucket of bile goes to the band - and probably the producer and some
deaf guy posing as a manager.
According to the website bio (of which a third was covered by a strangely
placed picture) there is only one singer - I'm
not sure of the gender. This singer has quite a voice-range, from a tired
Marilyn Manson to a drunk Peter Steele, but generally he/she/it just whine. Joke
aside, a female singer is also featured on some songs, but I could find no
mention of her anywhere. Though far from being special she's actually is not
bad.
But the music! Imagine HIM drug-raping Nine Inch Nails. Then imagine what it
would sound like if the resulting spawn started playing in a retro-pop band of
the mid 1990's. Archangel obviously go for a sound between raw rock/metal and crystalline goth
pop In the effort of combining them Archangel actually tune down both primal
elements to a bland, boring and all too soft hybrid.
Too add more bile, I'll point out that this album contain a secret track. I hate
such stupid antics, but at least it's not very secret. It opens just a couple of
second after the alleged last track. The
"official" last track is called "My Name is L...". The extremely elaborate
occult cryptogram (the "L") stands for Lucifer, and this song completely turned
my world around. If the devil sounds so lame when he introduces himself I'm
switching teams! Go God!
More bile? The title of this album is "The Story of my Immor(t)al Life"...
You know what? I'm just going to leave that as it is. I can't come up with
anything more insulting than the name itself.
In case you
are in doubt, I do not recommend that you buy this thing.
*This is a direct quote, I did not misspell "gothic".
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